Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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