Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
