she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
