I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
