You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
