..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
