apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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