i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
