i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
