dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
