I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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