When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
