He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
