man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
