history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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