There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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