Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
