ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
