dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
