Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
