im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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