he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we made out on top of his cat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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