I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
