Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
