her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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