I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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