i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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