You're my little dorito
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
