her vagine was all disorganized.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
