You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
