I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
