Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
