THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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