Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
