either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
