there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
