Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
