Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
