ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
