i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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