if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
