also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What a dumb baby whore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
