Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
