At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
