I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My vagina just recognized that song.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
