he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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