lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
