thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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