Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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