Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
